Anatomy of Confidence

I've been thinking a lot about self-confidence lately, wondering to what degree it is a learned or innate attitude and behavior. Here's where my thoughts are at the moment. Would love to hear yours.

Confidence starts with feeling safe. It's an outcome of knowing and trusting that we will be okay, no matter what. It's therefore directly tied to the amount of resilience one has after going through devastating set-backs.

Confidence also requires being able to be vulnerable, which sounds like it would be the opposite of feeling safe, but isn't. Being vulnerable is the ability to admit to being mistaken and not feel shame about that.

Confidence grows with the ability to be open and humble when having been wrong and know you can take care of yourself if others can't be gracious enough to listen and help you process through it, or when they aim to hurt you with your less-than-perfectness and their superiority complex.

In my mind, there's a lot of ego-centered, need-to-be-right, brash, impulsive, arrogant opinions and behavior that are confused with confidence. True self-confidence doesn't need to put others down, or point out their short-comings. Those are learned defense mechanisms that serve to block the development of real confidence (not to mention the growth of spiritual self-awareness).

True self-confidence is like the love spoken of in a familiar Bible passage: it is patient and kind, doesn't envy or brag, doesn't get puffed up with false pride. In other words, it's an inside job of being calm and centered in storm and sunshine alike.

How are you exhibiting true confidence today?