Asking for What You Need

I bet you thought that title meant asking other people to help you get what you need. And sure, it's good to be able to do that. But what I want to offer today is asking yourself for what you need -- asking more of yourself, holding yourself more accountable, or to a higher standard than you have been.

And maybe, in some cases, asking less, or asking for different things than you have been demanding -- for example: less work, more play or sleep; less uber-responsibility, more boundary keeping; less excuses-making, more critical analysis and problem solving; etc.

So have you taken an inventory recently of what you are asking of yourself? No? I'd like to recommend that you take an undistracted, unpressured,15 minutes today to take a head to toe, inside outside look at what you are giving yourself and if it's really what you need for the happiest, most confident and successful life.

Here are some prompter questions to use in your self-awareness process:

1. Do you insist on thinking positive, non-judgmental thoughts that move you forward towards your goals?
2. Are your beliefs, assumptions and perceptions binding you to negativity and sabotage, or freeing you for joy, new possibilities, and necessary risk-taking?
3. Do you give yourself opportunities for openheartedness and lovingkindness every day?
4. Are you fueling your body with immune and energy boosting nutrients, and getting enough sleep and exercise?
5. Do you recognize emotions as transitory flavors of experience and put them in proper perspective?
6. Can you let go of hurts, angers, fears, and reframe your viewpoint of what's possible in any situation?
   
7. Will you give yourself time to think twice before reacting, and respond quickly rather than procrastinating?
8. Do you have a gratitude practice, or a way to be grounded and authentic to your true self and inner playful child?
9. Is your personal support system toxic -- overcritical, doubting and discounting you -- or are they really on your side, providing encouragement, motivation?
   

Is it time to commit to changing what you ask of yourself? What will you ask for today?

Varieties of Self-Sabotage

Are you aware of how many ways you have of sabotaging yourself? Ever given this a thought?

I haven't taken a count lately, but I bet most of us have a kind of mental / emotional / behavioral backpack full of self-sabotaging habits. As I think back over the years of coaching and counseling clients to release worry, let go of guilt and shame, re-purpose stress, and achieve greater happiness and bigger goals, I've seen an infinite variety of very creative ways that we all shoot ourselves in the foot from time to time. The ones I've seen most often are:

• impulsively reacting on an emotion without thinking it through or getting more information
• clinging to destructive ideas of pride or honor, and needing to be "right" about your view of "reality"
  
• making unilateral decisions that effect others without making them aware of your perception that a problem or need exists, and the things you considered before reaching the decision
• conversely, asking permission and taking advice from too many different people before having a clear idea of what goal you are trying to achieve for yourself
  
• letting emotion dictate thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, perceptions, and behaviors
• allowing fear of rejection or disapproval persuade you into withdrawing requests for what you need and want
  
• going to the wrong well when trying to get your needs met -- some wells are dry, or filled with unhealthy water
• indulging fears and illusions by both giving up too early and hanging on too long

Do you find any of your favorite forms of self-sabotage in this list?

Often our own personal growth can only occur when we take some risks. The first step in a growth process is to take the risk of seeing yourself clearly -- what commitments do you keep to yourself and others, and how can you do better? Hold yourself accountable to self-growth, instead of being run by self-sabotage.

The second step is to take the risk of doing one thing differently today and tomorrow and the next day -- identify your favorite or most frequently used sabotaging habit, and do the opposite for a growthful change.

There's nothing more freeing and empowering than taking the small risks that help move your forward toward your goals, whether those goals are in personal life, in business, or in relationships.

So tell me, what will you commit to doing differently today?

A Key to Undoing Self-Sabotage

How's your life going? Got everything flowing smoothly? Getting everything you want or expect from all the effort you're making?

No? Hmmm. When we feel like we're spinning our wheels, hitting a glass ceiling, or running into roadblocks, we need to step back and take a hard critical look at three factors:

• what specifically is not working the way we think is should
• how are our own actions, thoughts, beliefs, or feelings getting in the way
  
• where exactly do we have leverage (opportunity+control) for making something shift

From a coaching perspective, self-sabotage is simply the application of the least effective tool or process for the desired goal. It's not a moral failing; it's just being in a pattern that isn't working.

But before we can assess the three critical factors, the key to undoing self-sabotage is to let go of all attachment to continuing to do things the way we've always done them. And the attachment to any belief that if we just keep doing what we've always done that someday, somehow, something will magically change.

You know the definition of crazy?

Doing the same thing that doesn't work over and over and over again, and expecting a different result.

Why be stuck in crazy when a little coaching can provide you with new tools, help you customize new processes, and give you enthusiastic support to get your life flowing smoothly, and get back on track for getting what you want.

Yesterday Saturn -- the astrological indicator of karma, discipline and structure, and building for the long haul -- came out of its 5+ month, low energy / depressive / introspective funk to return confidence and commitment to those willing to work hard on their path toward success.

Saturn promotes commitment (self-accountability) and endurance in manifesting our dreams. This is THE astrological energy that reinforces a sense of responsibility in order to gain wisdom from experience and effort in a one step at a time manner.

But there is also an element of taking great leaps forward with Saturn, especially in business when inner confidence, spirit, strength, compassion for and understanding of one's Self are engaged.

I'm newly seeing Saturn as the quintessential coaches planet or indicator because of our focus on structures, accountability, wisdom from experience, direction, resilience, and moving through fear -- all features of Saturn energy in an astrology chart.

Saturn is the ruler of my Sun sign, so it's no wonder I've been atrracted to coaching as a profession.

A colleague has been encouraging me to combine my work as an astrologer with my coaching services. I think she's right.

~ Deah Curry, CPC
Astrologically Coaching You In Manifesting Your Destiny :)