The Secret to Being Creative

Being creative is not about being able to sing, dance, paint, or write. It's not even so much about innate talent, although that helps.

Being creative is a essentially a mental process, fueled by emotional passion, and sustained by sheer determination and persistence. But it's the mental process that's the key.

The mental process of creativity is all in your perspective. It's basically a way of seeing possibilities that most can't see -- from a different angle or new viewpoint. It's asking yourself what if.

• What if I come at this problem from the opposite direction?
• What could be uncovered if I take 3 steps back and see the bigger picture?
• What if this worked differently, or produced a different result -- what would be needed to do that?
  

Whether in business or in life, often being creative grows from asking what's not being done. Or from wondering how could I do that better, easier, with less effort and time, or more payoff. The seeds of creativity lie in questioning things as they are, and wondering how else they could be.

And then, once the questions point you in a direction to explore, being creative is in having the motivation or courage to pursue the adventure of finding out.

Your life coaching questions for today are: Look at one common household item today that you normally take for granted. What else can you do with it? Can you brainstorm 10 new uses for this item?

What Liberates Your Independent Spirit?

All progress is made by those who move forward from the pack, from the prevailing mindset. This is true when we're talking political revolution, and it's true when we are speaking of individual life dreams as well.

For some of us, the moving forward has to start with stepping beyond the beliefs, fears, and customs of our family, or even of our own inner dialogue. We can get so accustomed to evaluating ourselves through others' eyes, that their opinions and expectations of us become oppressive and limiting. And, we can oppress and limit ourselves by the way we give ourselves negative messages about our competence, confidence or chances to succeed

True liberation requires gaining independence from the tyranny of the small goals, small beliefs, and small dreams that are confined to what our insecurities allow. True independence also must be gained from the small, negative "support" offered by those who are overly controlled by their fear-based concerns for our safety and happiness.

Perhaps the most valuable self-coaching gift you can give yourself this weekend is to begin to use these powerful questions to guide you in your choices:

• Will this action, thought, emotion, relationship, or situation free me to succeed?
• If not, what is limiting my freedom of movement, and how can I liberate myself from that?
  

Ask 2 Essential Questions To Recover Inner Peace

It's been an unusual few weeks. Celebrities who shaped or contributed to generations of global pop culture have died. Revolution is trying to take hold not only in Iran, but also in how health care is paid for in the US, how green technologies are supported. Threats big and small make the world's news, and and on a smaller scale, ripple through lesser known communities and personal lives.

In times like this when a sense of uncertainty and the limitations of mortality are impacting governments and individuals around the globe, it's normal to feel unsettled in our own lives. It's as if the atmosphere we exist in and the ground we stand on is suddenly shifting. Reality is unreal, and unreliable.

The least helpful thing to do in such times is to dwell in questions such as: what's going on? what if that could happen to me? how can I be protected? when will everything be good again?

What we all seek, I think, is an unassailable sense of inner peace. We universally want to feel safe and secure, able to meet the challenges life throws at us, and know in advance that whatever happens, we'll be okay in the end. This is a basic human need.

So how do we get there? I think there are two essential questions that lead to creating or recovering inner peace are:

• What do I have that can never be taken from me without my consent (my skills, beliefs, attitudes, etc)?
• What are the positives I know I can count on, without any doubt? (my knowledge, my abilities, my supports)
  

These two questions invite taking an inventory of the factors that create and maintain resilience. When we have resilience, we have options. And when we have options, we can make opportunities for positive change.

Your coaching question for today is: What factors build and maintain my resilience, and how can I strengthen them?

Asking for What You Need

I bet you thought that title meant asking other people to help you get what you need. And sure, it's good to be able to do that. But what I want to offer today is asking yourself for what you need -- asking more of yourself, holding yourself more accountable, or to a higher standard than you have been.

And maybe, in some cases, asking less, or asking for different things than you have been demanding -- for example: less work, more play or sleep; less uber-responsibility, more boundary keeping; less excuses-making, more critical analysis and problem solving; etc.

So have you taken an inventory recently of what you are asking of yourself? No? I'd like to recommend that you take an undistracted, unpressured,15 minutes today to take a head to toe, inside outside look at what you are giving yourself and if it's really what you need for the happiest, most confident and successful life.

Here are some prompter questions to use in your self-awareness process:

1. Do you insist on thinking positive, non-judgmental thoughts that move you forward towards your goals?
2. Are your beliefs, assumptions and perceptions binding you to negativity and sabotage, or freeing you for joy, new possibilities, and necessary risk-taking?
3. Do you give yourself opportunities for openheartedness and lovingkindness every day?
4. Are you fueling your body with immune and energy boosting nutrients, and getting enough sleep and exercise?
5. Do you recognize emotions as transitory flavors of experience and put them in proper perspective?
6. Can you let go of hurts, angers, fears, and reframe your viewpoint of what's possible in any situation?
   
7. Will you give yourself time to think twice before reacting, and respond quickly rather than procrastinating?
8. Do you have a gratitude practice, or a way to be grounded and authentic to your true self and inner playful child?
9. Is your personal support system toxic -- overcritical, doubting and discounting you -- or are they really on your side, providing encouragement, motivation?
   

Is it time to commit to changing what you ask of yourself? What will you ask for today?

Varieties of Self-Sabotage

Are you aware of how many ways you have of sabotaging yourself? Ever given this a thought?

I haven't taken a count lately, but I bet most of us have a kind of mental / emotional / behavioral backpack full of self-sabotaging habits. As I think back over the years of coaching and counseling clients to release worry, let go of guilt and shame, re-purpose stress, and achieve greater happiness and bigger goals, I've seen an infinite variety of very creative ways that we all shoot ourselves in the foot from time to time. The ones I've seen most often are:

• impulsively reacting on an emotion without thinking it through or getting more information
• clinging to destructive ideas of pride or honor, and needing to be "right" about your view of "reality"
  
• making unilateral decisions that effect others without making them aware of your perception that a problem or need exists, and the things you considered before reaching the decision
• conversely, asking permission and taking advice from too many different people before having a clear idea of what goal you are trying to achieve for yourself
  
• letting emotion dictate thoughts, beliefs, assumptions, perceptions, and behaviors
• allowing fear of rejection or disapproval persuade you into withdrawing requests for what you need and want
  
• going to the wrong well when trying to get your needs met -- some wells are dry, or filled with unhealthy water
• indulging fears and illusions by both giving up too early and hanging on too long

Do you find any of your favorite forms of self-sabotage in this list?

Often our own personal growth can only occur when we take some risks. The first step in a growth process is to take the risk of seeing yourself clearly -- what commitments do you keep to yourself and others, and how can you do better? Hold yourself accountable to self-growth, instead of being run by self-sabotage.

The second step is to take the risk of doing one thing differently today and tomorrow and the next day -- identify your favorite or most frequently used sabotaging habit, and do the opposite for a growthful change.

There's nothing more freeing and empowering than taking the small risks that help move your forward toward your goals, whether those goals are in personal life, in business, or in relationships.

So tell me, what will you commit to doing differently today?

The Beauty of Confrontation

Show of hands -- how many of you prefer to avoid confrontation? Even when you hear the word, it makes you nervous, your heart starts to race, your palms get sweaty, you can feel your muscles contract, and you become hypervigilant and look for the exit? Where's the beauty in that, you may be thinking?

To confront means to face in challenge, to encounter. But many of us experience it as meaning, to argue, to fight, to get bullied or wounded, to barely survive a lose-lose or lose-win situation in which we expect to get hurt. Because the psyche serves to keep us safe at all costs, the natural tendency is to run from confrontation. Unfortunately the cost gets very high if by avoiding challenging encounters we seldom get our needs met.

Over a lifetime of having stronger personalities confront us in ways that have been threatening or hurtful, we've probably never learned the skills of confronting others about what we don't like and what we want instead in a direct, non-violent, and elegant manner.

This lack of skill creates a lot of passive aggressive or stubbornly self-sabotaging behavior as we try to get our needs met.

Recently I've been looking at the Center for Non-Violent Communication's model for elegant confrontation. There is calm and centered beauty in it's two simple parts: empathic listening and honestly expressing. For both parts, the NVC way is to observe without defensive judgment, to hear / speak objectively about feelings and needs, before entertaining / making a reasonable request for a change.

Another way of saying this is to stand gently in your own truth -- to walk in beauty through the fear of sharing how you feel and asking for what you want. Confrontation can be a gift of commitment to yourself, and to a difficult relationship.

Living the beauty of non-violent confrontation is to be living in trust. It's a growing trust in our own abilities to recover from others' inelegant responses, and an allowing of faith in the fact that they have their own feelings, needs, hurts and fears they struggle with as well.

How might you stand gently in your truth and walk in beauty through your fear today?

Fear is good

What? What do you mean, fear is good?

Fear is a mind-body-spirit communication intended to keep us safe. Fear tells us to flee from the tiger, fight off the mugger, or freeze all your financial accounts when you suspect identity theft. Those are the right actions for the circumstances. Fear is just the kick start.

Fear is helpful when we respond as it intends us to -- with rapid critical thinking assessment of the situation and our capabilities.

Fear runs amok when we react to it emotionally -- with hypervigilence, panic, unnecessary defensiveness, anger, or hiding.

Long ago a book came out with the title: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I find my counseling and coaching clients who try to follow that prescription get stuck in being afraid of feeling fearful. Afraid of feeling. As if feeling itself were the problem.

Feeling is only the messenger. The message is: decide what you need to do, trust your ability to do it or get the assistance you need, and take action now. The magic of that formula is that the more we apply it, the less fearful of fear we become.

A Key to Undoing Self-Sabotage

How's your life going? Got everything flowing smoothly? Getting everything you want or expect from all the effort you're making?

No? Hmmm. When we feel like we're spinning our wheels, hitting a glass ceiling, or running into roadblocks, we need to step back and take a hard critical look at three factors:

• what specifically is not working the way we think is should
• how are our own actions, thoughts, beliefs, or feelings getting in the way
  
• where exactly do we have leverage (opportunity+control) for making something shift

From a coaching perspective, self-sabotage is simply the application of the least effective tool or process for the desired goal. It's not a moral failing; it's just being in a pattern that isn't working.

But before we can assess the three critical factors, the key to undoing self-sabotage is to let go of all attachment to continuing to do things the way we've always done them. And the attachment to any belief that if we just keep doing what we've always done that someday, somehow, something will magically change.

You know the definition of crazy?

Doing the same thing that doesn't work over and over and over again, and expecting a different result.

Why be stuck in crazy when a little coaching can provide you with new tools, help you customize new processes, and give you enthusiastic support to get your life flowing smoothly, and get back on track for getting what you want.

The Gift of Time

Once a year we get an incredible gift – by the grace of whatever consensus that gives us the return from daylight savings time, we get to re-do an hour of our lives.

Sure, for most of us this occurs in the middle of the night, as clocks are set back at 2 am. And if you’re chronically fatigued like I am, you probably spend this precious hour sleeping. But think of it. What if you could use that hour to undo an argument, take back a harsh word, or remove yourself from a conflict? What if you could push against the obstacle just one more time and this time gain the breakthrough?

What if you used that hour to pause all the fear and worry, and look instead at what you’re grateful for, and at what makes your life content, if not wonderfully happy? What could taking advantage of this gift contribute to you?

Or, an even better question is, how might you use this small bit of extra time to contribute to making someone else’s life better?

Often, it’s not the big efforts that define a life, but the small, daily, unnoticed and unapplauded ones that create who we are on the moment to moment basis. It’s the unconscious, reflex reactions that are the evidence of what we truly value, and we rarely stop long enough to really examine how are beliefs and assumptions are getting put into action.

An hour is enough time to think a new thought, change perspectives, give forgiveness, voice an apology, ask for what you want, or finally own your power. It’s enough time to make a new commitment to yourself, and to specify at least three action steps for accomplishing that.

An hour is enough time to begin to change everything. How will you use your gift of time?