Yet, there is a lot of confusion about where that line is. Here are a few guidelines I use to keep myself from wandering out of coaching mode (and other coaches may do it differently, so I'm not the prime authority here):
~ I don't ask about how a problem got to be the way it is
~ I resist wanting to know much about a coachee's history
~ I refuse to "process" every little thing to death
~ I'm not overly interested in or accommodating of the coachee's emotions
~ I refrain from analyzing psychological drives and conflicts
~ I keep the client focused on her stated goals, don't allow the telling of lots of story that takes her off track
~ I hold myself ruthlessly uninterested in the trama/drama of what happened in the past that forms the excuses for current reality
Essentially, much of what a coachee wants to tell me is irrelevant to helping them move forward. People are caught up in their stories, and I try to be compassionately unengaging with that, because it's their story that keeps them stuck. I'm sure that sounds harsh, but I don't think it comes off that way when doing the work.
What someone might notice when observing my sessions is a dynamic that could go like this:
~ coachee launches into their story
= I ask: what's the UAC that's operating here
~ coachee talks around UAC by telling more story
= I ask: what's one thing you could do that would make the biggest difference with this?
~ coachee tells me the things that won't work
= I praise their ability as a researcher to know what doesn't work and I bring them back to the question of what will
Etcetera
I figure coachees are paying me to help them do the following:
- Set goals towards a much bigger life than they now have
- Take action to get them from here to there
- Accept responsibility for their thoughts, words, and deeds
- Be more invested in their future and present than their past
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