Do You Sabotage Yourself into Insomnia?

This morning I coached a coach on working with someone whose racing thoughts at bedtime kept her from falling asleep. This reminded me of the myriad of unconscious daily self-sabotages many of us engage in that have pretty immediate consequences.

Prolonged bouts of insomnia -- either having difficulty getting to sleep or trouble staying asleep -- can have devastating impact on everything, from physical health, to mental focus, to reaction time and judgment, to emotional stability, and irritability in relationships. We are wise to do everything we can to change the habits we have that contribute to this condition.

Here are a few ideas that have worked for me personally, and for my clients:

• Write a do to list for the next day, in bed, ending with writing out a statement such as: I can let today and tomorrow take care of themselves now, while I easily go to sleep.

• Reduce the amount of light in your home 2 hours prior to bedtime because bright lights stimulate the brain unnaturally. A single 25 watt lamp is enough.
  

• Reduce or eliminate conversation for 2 hours prior to bedtime, to start letting the brain relax.

• Eliminate coffee, tea, cola, chocolate, even products like Excedrin, and anything else with caffeine after 12 noon.
  

• Take vitamins in the morning, especially if they include Vitamin B because that's an energy booster.
  

• If you need extra help, try taking DHEA early in the day and melatonin right at bedtime to aid the brain in relaxing into sleep.

Breathing Meditation to Lull Yourself into Sleep

Mentally count to 4 very slowly while inhaling deeply.
Again count to 4 while exhaling slowly.
Keep doing that until the body relaxes. This gives the mind something focused to do.

Pair the counting with a mental image of something expanding when inhaling and then contracting when exhaling -- maybe a flower getting bigger then smaller. This gives the mind something else focused to do.

Finally, create and repeat an auto-suggestion (self-hypnosis) mantra, which is an image form of an affirmation statement. Something like: I feel my body relaxing. The gears in my brain are slowing for sleep. The circles of thoughts going round and round are stopping and holding still.

Paralyzing Procrastination -- What's It Teaching You?

We tend think of procrastination as a bad thing -- a lack of will power, determination, focus -- like it's some moral failing.

What if it were a signal to heed, or a lesson to be learned? What if we could take the negative spin off of this eddy in our energy flow and see if it has a productive purpose?

Physiologically, we all have what's called the alert or stress response. Typically it's known as the fight or flight response. But another component is present in all animals, including humans, when this alert system is triggered -- the freeze option.

Procrastination is a form of either flight from doing what needs to be done, or it's a type of mental, emotional, behavioral freeze designed to not attract attention,not put ourselves in danger, and not end up eaten by the predator that's stalking us. Either way, procrastination is a signal that some part of us perceives trouble -- real or imagined -- and is trying to act in its idea of our best interest.

Ask yourself how your procrastination is benefiting you. What's the trouble or danger you fear? Is it real? Is it bigger than the trouble you're creating by not taking direct action? What do you need to help you fight the fear?

Spiritually, procrastination might be viewed as a situation in which a guardian angel or some other helpful unseen being is holding us, preventing forward movement because we're headed in a direction that will take us out of alignment with our soul's needs or desires.

Consider for a moment how your paralyzing procrastination might be a safety net thrown around you by a watchful spirit whose job it is to keep you from wandering too far off your destined path. In what directions are you more free to move? What would this watchful spirit tell you, if you could hear or sense it speaking to you?

Holding Focus

As I write this morning, several construction workers are outside my building, tearing off my deck in order to replace it. It's noisy with power tools, and disruptive with other unidentifiable and unexpected sounds.

It occurs to me that there are always people, power, and disruption surrounding us when we are doing anything, and we have to develop effective tactics for holding focus. That is, for not letting the verbal, energetic, and emotional noise dilute our productivity.

Here's what I'd recommend:

1. focus by doing zen* tasks -- those that are so routine they can be done well with an empty mind
2. focus by using embodied skills -- those that are so second nature you can do them in your sleep
3. focus by normalizing -- getting used to sounds until they become just more background noise
4. focus by being singularly purposeful -- that is, be determined to accomplish your goal despite the obstacles
   
5. focus by relocating -- removing yourself to an alternative workspace that provide a more productive environment
6. focus by re-prioritizing -- shifting your timeline, renegotiating deadlines, and taking the day off

Hmmm, that's a pretty good prescription (if I do say so myself) for achieving your goals even without the assistance of noisy people, power tools and unexpected disruptions.

*No disrespect intended to those who practice Zen Buddhism

Have You Gifted Yourself Lately?

When was the last time you gave yourself a gift? Oh, I don't mean like buying a new pair of shoes or replacing the dishwasher -- those aren't gifts; they are necessities.

I mean, when did you most recently think of yourself as your own best friend, done something nice to lift your spirits, provide yourself some tangible or intangible encouragement, or indulge in a spontaneous, special little treat?

Can't remember?

Gifting yourself is important to mental health and success in life. It builds and sustains a foundation of knowing -- deep in your bones -- that you deserve, that you have done well, that you are good enough.

It's an act of self-acceptance and celebration. It's giving yourself a gold star and feeling good about your unsung efforts.

Now, it's true that some people seem to live in that mode all the time, and even go overboard in being so self-absorbed that all they think about is themselves. I'm not advocating falling into that myopic, ego-centered type of narcissistic personality disorder.

But too many of us engage in denial of self, and suffer with low self-esteem as a result. We schlep around a trunk-full of the faulty core belief that we aren't good enough, aren't deserving, aren't capable.

For those whose backs are breaking from that heavy burden, it's time to gift yourself. It's NOT selfish. It's mandatory to functioning at your most optimal, well balanced level.

Do You Let Fear Stop You?

Fear is either a motivator, or killer. It pushes us into action, or paralyzes productive brain and body function. Which is it for you?

Both reactions to fear are normal, even instinctual. And in a sense, fear is good. It's a communication of potential danger that we all need to pay attention to.

BUT -- fear should also be a motivating prompt for changing your focus. Fear calls you to look at the situation from a different angle, and quickly determine a useful response, so that you can keep moving forward toward your goals.

Frantic, scattered, unfocused reactivity to fear kills achievement just as well as depressed, numbed, withdrawal into inaction.

So how can you NOT let fear stop you?

1. Acknowledge that you are feeling scared.
2. Name the deepest fear that's being touched, in the given situation.
3. Refocus away from the feeling back to what you know without a doubt that you can trust.
4. Ask yourself what can I do differently now to still get what I most need in this situation.
5. See in your mind's eye the steps you need to take.
6. Remind yourself that you will learn new skills or self-knowledge from this experience.
7. Cultivate an attitude of faith, hope, and belief -- faith that everything will turn out ok, hope that something better than you can imagine will occur, and belief in your own abilities to persevere.