What Are You Waiting For?

I've begun to think that the old adage that patience is a virtue may be an outmoded relic of the past. It needs examining, if, as I suspect, the character trait of patience becomes the behavior of waiting too long to make change or manifest your dreams.

Much of so-called patience is just procrastination. And procrastination is a form of self-sabotage.

Patience can be sneaky. It sounds good to say we are waiting for right timing, or more resources, or for someone else to respond or take an action. A particularly deceptive form of sabotaging patience is in the idea that things are in motion and we are letting them play out.

Oh, I admit that all of those things may be true and valid in and of themselves. And what I see in many of my coaching clients is that this mindset can also be the mantra of excuses-making for staying too long in a comfort zone when there is an underlying commitment to be risk-avoidant.

If you believe yourself to be a patient person, if you take pride in that, it may well be an admirable virtue in your character. And nonetheless, I encourage you to ask yourself these powerful self-reflective questions, and see if you uncover a saboteur you didn't realize was lurking in you.

• Today, what am I waiting for? Is there really no forward movement I can take?
• Is what I'm waiting for contributing to a delay in making progress on other goals?
• What am I feeling while in this waiting state?
• What could I be doing on this or other projects that might move me forward differently, or faster?
• What risk am I avoiding by this waiting? Is that really a good idea, or is it hurting my success?
• If today's waiting is really productive, what else can I start or work on or finish in the meantime?
• What alternatives to waiting would be best for me right now, or best for my long term goals?
  

Courageous Attitude -- The Overlooked Resource

On her Facebook page, renowned poet Maya Angelou posted this quote: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

I love this variation of the Serenity Prayer, most commonly attributed to theologian Reinhold Niebuhr : God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Courage and attitude. Two important resources that often are overlooked when facing difficult times. Courage is simply the ability to do what needs to be done, despite potential negative outcomes. Most of us let our imaginings about potential negative outcomes make us blind to the potential positive results.

We let imagination rob us of courage. We could just as well allow imagination to focus on the positive, and be the fuel to move us forward. It's a choice, but we have to be conscious to choose the positive, because the unconscious will almost always choose the fearful negative.

If you claimed your own courage today, what would you do? How would you make a difference?

A common psychological defense when we are fearful is to become upset, angry, sarcastic, insulting, verbally abusive, or cynical. These negative emotional behaviors are called having a bad attitude, and they visit us when we are caught up in not liking something that we feel powerless about.

I don't know about you, but I don't need to answer the door when these visitors come calling.

Having a bad attitude is toxic to solution-finding, to generating alternative thinking, and to change, among other things. We can choose to react without attitude. We can even simply acknowledge that we don't like something or are afraid of something, without piling a lot of defensiveness on top of that.

What is in your world today that you don't like? Can you change it? Can you change your attitude about it? What positive outcome might happen if you did?

3 Approaches to Taking Advantage of a Setback

Sometimes I think we resist when we should surrender, and we go with the flow when we should take more control. It's like somehow our sense of right action with right timing is backwards.

This backwardness, I think, is part of what makes the unexpected setback so devastating to so many people.

As a coaching challenge, the question is: What if you could take a different approach to setbacks? What might be three ways to take advantage when an unexpected situation arises?

The Stop, Drop and Roll Approach

Yes, I know, that's the advice for when your clothing has caught on fire. But it applies here, I think. When a setback strikes, what if you:

• stop trying to do things the way we've always done them,
  
• drop back a step or two to get the bigger picture of what's newly possible, and then
  
• roll in the direction the energy is already moving?

The Lemonade Approach

You know, as in, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Setbacks are often unsweetened, acidic, and souring to the normalcy of accustomed daily routines. What if you:

• add some sugar -- which might be in the form of more time, less spending, more self-care, less pressure, etc
• stir until blended -- meaning, mix new resources and techniques into daily life until habituated
• drink until satisfied -- that is, let this new approach become a sweeter way of life

The Fly Around the Dragon Approach

Okay, yes, that's a Harry Potter Tri-Wizard champion reference. A setback can be like a great big, fire breathing obstacle between you and the golden egg of your goals. It's scary and fierce, and liable to bite you in two ('cause you is crunchy and good with ketchup. LOL). But what if you follow Harry's approach:

• accio Firebolt -- that is, access your best natural talent, and jump on with extreme gusto
  
• keep your eye on the prize -- meaning, despite distractions, don't lose sight of your goals
• stay on your broom -- which is your action plan, because moving forward is what works, being still is fatal
• course correct as needed -- small necessary changes can get you closer to success with less danger
  
• don't give in to fear -- operate on instinct and solid learning without second guessing yourself
  

The Secret to Being Creative

Being creative is not about being able to sing, dance, paint, or write. It's not even so much about innate talent, although that helps.

Being creative is a essentially a mental process, fueled by emotional passion, and sustained by sheer determination and persistence. But it's the mental process that's the key.

The mental process of creativity is all in your perspective. It's basically a way of seeing possibilities that most can't see -- from a different angle or new viewpoint. It's asking yourself what if.

• What if I come at this problem from the opposite direction?
• What could be uncovered if I take 3 steps back and see the bigger picture?
• What if this worked differently, or produced a different result -- what would be needed to do that?
  

Whether in business or in life, often being creative grows from asking what's not being done. Or from wondering how could I do that better, easier, with less effort and time, or more payoff. The seeds of creativity lie in questioning things as they are, and wondering how else they could be.

And then, once the questions point you in a direction to explore, being creative is in having the motivation or courage to pursue the adventure of finding out.

Your life coaching questions for today are: Look at one common household item today that you normally take for granted. What else can you do with it? Can you brainstorm 10 new uses for this item?

What Liberates Your Independent Spirit?

All progress is made by those who move forward from the pack, from the prevailing mindset. This is true when we're talking political revolution, and it's true when we are speaking of individual life dreams as well.

For some of us, the moving forward has to start with stepping beyond the beliefs, fears, and customs of our family, or even of our own inner dialogue. We can get so accustomed to evaluating ourselves through others' eyes, that their opinions and expectations of us become oppressive and limiting. And, we can oppress and limit ourselves by the way we give ourselves negative messages about our competence, confidence or chances to succeed

True liberation requires gaining independence from the tyranny of the small goals, small beliefs, and small dreams that are confined to what our insecurities allow. True independence also must be gained from the small, negative "support" offered by those who are overly controlled by their fear-based concerns for our safety and happiness.

Perhaps the most valuable self-coaching gift you can give yourself this weekend is to begin to use these powerful questions to guide you in your choices:

• Will this action, thought, emotion, relationship, or situation free me to succeed?
• If not, what is limiting my freedom of movement, and how can I liberate myself from that?