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Change happens in two ways. It can be thrust upon us by external forces such as the requests of friends, family and others, and the unexpected shifts in life situations that demand response.
When this type of change is resisted, it can cause turbulent times in relationships, careers, perception of economic or social stability, and other intense difficulties. We tell ourselves that there's nothing wrong with how we are, or how we've been doing things -- if only others would realize that and cooperate.
Hmmm. Is that really true? Is it an effective position to take?
Change can also be a pro-active, self-selected, self-challenge process. When this type of change is embarked on, we are more likely to engage with it as an adventure, or an experiment. Our emotional defense mechanisms aren't triggered because we actually can have fun and gain satisfaction from the achievements that self-determined change brings.
Being a bit of a control freak, I prefer the latter. What about you?
How can you challenge yourself today? Here are a few ideas.
1. Emotional challenge -- identify a loss (of person, job, dream, etc) you haven't grieved, and admit how that loss changed you, for better or worse. Then consider how you grew from the experience of this loss.
2. Habit challenge -- select a personal habit you know you need to change, and do one small thing differently today. Make it a game, see how unusual or new or out of character you can be with your one small difference.
3. Interpersonal challenge -- decide to do something impromptu that will bring a smile to a neighbor or stranger. Give an apology, or make an unexpected phone call, or leave a treat for someone who does something usually unacknowledged for you.
Are you coachable? That's the question a coach is silently asking during an initial conversation. What does that mean?
Recently I surprised myself by not being at all coachable on a particular issue I requested to work on. This has me thinking: what should coaches really be aware of and ask before agreeing to take on a new client.
Since coaching is all about effecting change, a prospective client must really want things to be different. Really wanting is not the same as being persuaded by external forces such as family, doctors, or societal norms and expectations. True desire to change is an internally felt pressure.
A coach should ask: on a scale of 1-10, where is your true desire for change?
Because coaching is oriented around moving forward, a prospective client must have a genuine willingness to name goals, design plans, and take action that is either self-generated, or co-created with the coach. Or clients must at least be willing to accept and follow through with the bold requests of the coach for a specific period of time. Willingness is the motive power that makes change happen.
A coach should ask: what priority does effecting this change have for you in relation to other priorities? In other words on a scale of 1-10, where is your genuine willingness to work for it?
Another key dynamic that should be addressed is the issue of resistance. Clients sometimes believe they want change and will say they are willing to work for it, but will have strong resistance to giving up old habits or changing self-sabotaging attitudes. Sometimes resistance signals a need for counseling rather than coaching. The question is, can the client honestly examine their resistance and experiment with what life would be like without those old habits and attitudes.
A coach should ask: what will sabotage you as you work towards your goal? Are you open to examining and experimenting with some different choices and perspectives?
In my personal and professional experience, the coachable client desperately wants change, is eagerly willing to work for it, is more than ready to examine their saboteurs and resistances, and is self-reflectively open to experimenting with new choices and possibilities.
This morning I found 17 ezines in my email spam folder. That's not even counting the 8-12 regulars I already had waiting to be read in my inbox.
I realize we're in the Information Age -- but I'm drowning in ezines. Does this happen to you?
Part of what overwhelms energy, and sabotages time is a subconscious fear of missing out on something important if we don't keep up to date all the time on everything we think we should know. Problem is, there's just not enough time in a day, or a life, to absorb, process, integrate, and use all the information circulated on a daily basis.
Funny thing is, though, that lots of ezines out there are all saying the same things. Maybe not in the same week, but over time there's only so many ways that universal wisdom can be explained. So how can we get what we need in the most efficient way possible?
Here's a creative alternative to drowning in your email inbox:
1. Limit real reading to no more than 3 ezines a day / no more than 5 minutes each.
2. Skim topics -- save only those that are addressing what will help you complete this month's highest priority.
3. Unsubscribe when an ezine fails to give you brilliant, easy to implement tips for 3 issues in a row.
4. Keep ezines that you'll use, but be ruthless in weeding them out once you've incorporated their advice.
What if you could be 10 times bolder in the face of fear? How could your life be better right now if worry could be reduced significantly? Where would you act courageously if you could trust that all will be fine in the long run?
Coaches ask bold questions, designed to help clients keep their focus glued on an achievable vision of an ideal future -- questions like these. All of us have our growing edges, that line we're afraid to cross because the unknowns on the other side are too big. Many of us reinforce our fear and stagnation by telling ourselves catastrophe stories of imagined awful outcomes.
What if we took a different approach instead, one that is more empowering? One that looks fear in the eye.
Think about this:
- Successful entrepreneurs feel the fear of failure all the time, they just don't let it stop them.
- High achievers prioritize the potential gains of taking calculated risks over the known comforts of feeling safe.
- Worry can be turned into supportive structures and practical action steps if we treat it as "just information."
- Trust is a choice -- it's a decision to remember your own resilience and see an abundance possibilities.
What do you need to be more bold about? What's the first step you'll take in that direction?
What information is your worry giving you today? What productive choices can you make based on that information?
Will you decide to trust yourself, and your knowledge and abilities? What empowering one sentence can you believe about your ability to survive, no matter what?
There ya go -- coaching by blog! LOL
